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Unconditional Body Beautiful: Part One - My body

Here I am still alive and still willing to blog. But have I lost my audience? I guess only time will tell. Well, first let me introduce the new and improved Yoli... Hi, nice to meet you. I am a woman who loves fashion, makeup, reading, and recently... Exercise!! I moved to Chicago for work and I am loving each new day of self and city discovery. I know... all the fat positive people will give me grieve for loving exercise, but it boils down to this for me... I want to be healthy for my kids. Which is why this collaboration with the other plus size beauties of the internet is so important.... Let's start from the beginning.

As a child I was that adorably cute chubby kid. But it wasn't until elementary that I realized, I was fat (insert sarcastic gasp here). Well, as it goes, kids are cruel. And they did not hesitate to remind me just how "not normal" I was on a daily basis. So you add being dark skinned to that and I was picked on relentlessly. I was told on a daily basis that I was "fat and ugly" to the point that I sought out council in the form of my mother. I went to her and asked in all seriousness "Am I fat and ugly?" To which my mother replied with equal seriousness... "No, you are beautiful and anyone who tells you different doesn't know what beauty is..." So, for this I applaud my mother. She did this right. She handled this situation like a superstar and then she took it one step further... Everyday (and I do mean EVERY DAY) my mother would tell me at different parts of the day how beautiful I was. Be it in the morning before school, or the middle of the day while we ran errands, or as she tucked me into bed each night. She did not miss a day to remind me that I was beautifully and wonderfully made. Yeah... my mom is pretty awesome like that. And that is where I got my overinflated self esteem. Does it mean that I NEVER doubt myself or this body? No it does not but let me not get ahead of myself. After that day... elementary school was no longer a problem. If someone called me fat or ugly, I laughed it off. Why, because they were not in on the awesomeness that was me.

From that point on I was great until I hit 5th grade. And then the unthinkable happened... I got BOOBS. I got boobs before anyone else did. I actually got them in 4th grade but they weren't really noticible until 5th grade. And then started a whole other issue to get pass... mean girls. Of course, back then I didn't know that is what they were... to me they were my friends... and then one day, they weren't. They stopped speaking to me and eating lunch with me because I was the focus of all the 5th grade boys. To this day, I remember being really good friends with this guy named Waleed Robinson. We were both deformed, me with my boobs, and him with his... well... penis (back when I was a kid spandex was the thing to wear, and Waleed filled his out far more than the other boys - no socks). So he was my only friend and for a while I was okay with that... until the mean girls decided to spread rumors that Waleed and I were having sex (which we were NOT) but it was so hard to deal with that I just shut down. It was around this time that I stopped dressing like a girl. I mean I completely became a boy. I wore the biggest and baggiest shirts and jeans I could find. I stopped being the girly girl that my mother raised. My mother was so concerned that she put me in therapy. That is when they discovered I was manic depressive. But no amount of meds, therapy, or positive reinforcement could get me out of my funk.

So then I turned 13. And my mother was excited because I showed interest in makeup. I loved makeup from day one. But heres the thing, I never wore it out of the house. I couldn't put myself into competition with the other girls. So I would only allow myself to be "pretty" in my house. What was really funny to me, was that even with my baggy boy clothes and lack of girly appearance... boys still sought me out. WHAT?!!! I'm still cute even when I am in clothes fit for a 300lb man? Okay. Note to self: Your face is cute regardless... lol.

 

So that is the cycle. I would dress up for dances and such when I was allowed to go and that was the extent of the girl I would be unless it was the weekend or I was around people I felt safe with. I lost my virginity at 15 and then that is when my Dad had his superstar moment. He sat me down (yeah at the time I was mortified!!) and he explained to me something that would define me as a woman. "Although, I'm not happy that you've lost your virginity... I want you to know that you should never let a man control you because you have the power between your legs.Love and sex is not the same thing. If you remember that for the rest of your life... you'll be fine."  Those words made me the woman I am. Scared my mom to death beacause I had no qualms having sex with whoever and not making him my "boyfriend". But I was an honor roll student. I didn't need those distractions. I liked sex but my Dad's words rang true... Love and sex are NOT the same thing. And I never forgot that.

So fast forward to my senior year. Yes I was still dressing like a 30 year old man with no job but I was still cute. So imagine EVERYONES surprise when I showed up to prom in a red dress to show that I had a tiny waist and gigantic boobs. Yeah... that is the highlight of my high school career. Everyone thought because all the clothes were shapeless that my shape was the shape that my clothes were... but I wasn't that big, I just dressed like I was. I was still plus size wearing a solid size 12, however, I had a flat stomach and thick hips and thighs. I could have been a plus size model had I not gotten pregnant at 19 (even though I do not regret my son in the least). I felt like I went into adulthood really knowing my body... but I was wrong.

 

In my twenties (after birth of my son). I dated some really not nice men. They made me hate my body and myself. Some called me fat, ugly, and some told me that no one would want me because I was a single mother. All that confidence I had disappeared amist some really depressing years. And then I turned 25 and after the man I thought I loved left me for his crazy ex, I decided to be celebate for a year. I didn't complete the year (cause that ish was HARD) but I did learn a lot about myself. After I started dating again I started dating 2 men. One was this guy that I regret everyday... the other was my husband. 12 years later, my Dad's words still resonate with me. Love and sex are not the same thing, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE that man. His devotion to me and my body no matter my size is heartwarming. Have you ever had a bad day and just hate your body. Maybe because you ate poorly or someone said something hurtful. Well, imagine coming home after a day like that to take off your clothes in front of your spouse only to find that he has stopped what he was doing to watch you get undressed. That is what it is like in my house everyday. So when I say we go together for life... I mean it... I pity the chick I will have to murder if she tries to come between me and my husband. I equally pity any man who thinks he will come anywhere near being a great a man as my husband is...

So that is my body story... the ending is simple. I'm a 37 year old mother of 3 kids. I recently decided to lose weight because I was tired of being tired all the time. And with each pound that I lose... I love my body even more (if that is possible). And I don't love it more because its smaller. I love it more because it's powerful. And although my post is not laden with awesome photos of my youth... Know that every memory is filed in my brain to help me push through any situation.

And just so you know how important that advice from my mother was... I said the same and passed down that same knowledge to my girls.

Church Diva: Almost Didn’t Make It

Hola Divas…

I’ve had a trying week. I can’t discuss it here because people I don’t want knowing my business read my blog. But just know that it was tiring and depressing. But through it all I tried my best to remain positive. And then Friday hit… and I just lost it. I stayed in bed most of the day and cried a few times. Saturday, I just slept all day. I know it sounds lazy but I think the stress of the week got to me.

Now this morning I had plans to go to church. But when I got up this morning, I just didn’t think I would make it to church. I told myself, God knows my heart. But then I thought… yeah… the devil knows your lazy heart… now get up and prove him wrong. So I got up today and got ready for church. I was lazy but I made it. And the sermon was what I needed to hear because I was letting this week take over my spirit. The sermon was about holding onto anger and letting it affect your life. And about how we allow that anger to cause us to sin because we know that we worship a forgiving God. And that is the lesson I needed to learn today. Going forward, I will be a better person.

Now onto the fashion…

I was inspired by an outfit on instagram. Follow pinklipstickhundra for inspiration. She has another page called Stylebydnicole where she posts her Polyvore creations. I love her creativity and use of color. And you all know how I feel about color… So I would ask a question here but today all I want to know is What was the best part of your week? Hasta la proxima ~besitos~

What I Wore to Church Today:
Mickey Mouse Tee: Wal-mart
Bodycon Skirt: Forever21 Plus
Denim Vest: Debs Plus
Shoes: Target Fashion
Earrings: Wal-mart

So bored with how cute this outfit is… lol… I BE CRAY CRAY!!!!

DOTD: Connect The Dots

Hola Divas...
I know I've failed miserably at being a blogger but as I've indicated on multiple occasions... life happens. So since the last time I was here, I've changed jobs yet again. The small company I worked for was bought out by a larger company and the changes were earth shattering. The people I had created relationships with and had in turn inducted into my "work" family were layed off and after the dust cleared I tried to remain positive. There were people who were negative even though they still had a job... and there were people who still wanted to consider it us against them. But if you know me... you know I just like to go with the flow. I don't like drama if I can completely avoid it. So I embraced the new co-workers which in turn made me some enemies... but again... I didn't let it phase me.

So after it all, I am now working in a new department and excited about what the future holds. My best friend did not make it through all the changes and that was the only thing that almost made me lose my composure. I am sitting at his going away dinner as I write this post. This allows me the distraction to not cry or lose my composure. I'm hoping that I will be amble to connect the dots after all is said and done. So onto the fashion... this is yet another dress I got from Gwynnie Bee and these amazing Shoedazzle pumps. Have you ever experienced your company being bought by another company? What was the outcome for you and your friends? Was it the same after the dust settled? Hasta la próxima ~besitos~

What I Wore Today: Dress: Kiyonna via Gwynnnie Bee Shoes: Shoedazzle Necklace: Ily Couture Cami: Forever 21 plus Earrings: Beauty Supply (local)

Church Diva: Hear Me Roar!!!

Hola Divas…

So this weekend was a clustermuck (I really want to use a worst word there but this is a church outfit)!!!! The reasons why are so personal that I don’t even want to discuss here. But just know that I have been an emotional wreck. So much so that I have made a serious setback in my weightloss (stress eating is real!!!). So on Sunday morning I woke up with a determination that I haven’t had in a while and went to the gym and followed that by going to church. And let me tell you… it was just what the doctor ordered. Even though I was miserable most of my weekend, I was so refreshed after church that smiling while taking these pictures was a lot easier to do. I don’t have much else going on other than work and generally dealing with life trying to kick me in the arse every 15 minutes. But I am a lioness… hear me roar!!!

Do you stress eat? How high does your stress have to be before you start to stress eat? Are you able to steer back onto course after the stressful sitution has been fixed? Do you find (as I did) that you are stronger afterwards than you ever thought you could be? Well… back to the fashion. I really love this skirt which is another lovely gem from my friend at Boutique 115. I’ve been supporting her for years (even back when she was known as She’s Got Curves). And this skirt did not disappoint. I will be doing (this week) a write up on her store where you will all get a coupon code for her lovely boutique… so stay tuned!!!  Hasta la proxima ~besitos~

Praise Outfit Breakdown:

Black Cami: Just My Size
Sweater: Torrid
Skirt: Boutique 115
Scarf: Target
Shoes: Bakers Shoes
Earrings: Beauty Supply

 

                    

This was supposed to be my superhero pose… I think I just look constipated…

Here are some outakes that hubby had fun taking:

Hubby said something so funny… don’t remember it though…

He was checking the photos… so I started dancing because I’m a goofball… he caught me

I was really concentrating on fixing my earring, had no idea he had taken this one… lol

DOTD: Green With Guilt

Hola Divas…

Today I wore yet another great item from Kiyonna. This time it wasn’t so easy to find an item that I just had to have. Again I am on this “green” thing that I can’t explain. So I reached out to some co-workers and friends to decide which item I should choose. And we finally all agreed that if I didn’t pick the top pictured below, I was making a terrible mistake. Now that I’ve received it and worn it… I couldn’t agree more. This shirt made me feel super sexy and powerful all day. 

Now the one thing no one ever mentions about being a blogger is what is involved in order to get THE pictures. You are willing to withstand heat, rain, and freezing temperatures in order to showcase the outfit. So today in our 20 degree weather, I stood outside like a nut while hubby took my pictures. It is amazing I don’t have pneumonia. But… as my photographer… I am super pleased with how these pictures came out, hubby did a fantastic job. Not to mention, I am also planning how I will wear this top on its next go round out of my closet.

So now before I go onto the fashion I want to talk about some personal stuff. Our company (who will continue to remain nameless) was recently purchased by another much larger company (who will also remain nameless). In the process of us “combining” some people were let go. Some people who I was friends with and actually enjoyed to be around. So far, my job has been spared… but the empath in me has me feeling guilty. I am tryng to shake that feeling, but it is hard. So much harder then I could have ever thought. Anyway, I guess I am asking anyone who is reading this to answer me this… Have you ever worked for a company during layoffs? Were you spared? If so, how did you handle it? Did you feel guilty or were you just happy that you still kept your job? Did you try to help your former coworkers find future work? Anyway… back to fashion… I just needed to get that off my chest so that I wouldn’t explode. I literally broke out in hives over the whole situation. Well… hasta la proxima ~besitos~

What I Wore During The Drama:
Keira Kimono Sleeve Top: Kiyonna
black skirt: Asos Curve/ 2 layer tights: Torrid & Spanx/Necklace: Ily Couture/Earrings: Beauty Supply/Boots: Shoedazzle

                 

DOTD: Kiyonna Approved

Hola Divas…

If you have been a long time reader of this blog, than you are aware that I was part of the Kiyonna Blogger Brigade. They recently revamped it and I was given another opportunity to be part of the Blogger Brigade. I have to admit, nothing has brought this much excitement to me in months. The best part is that this opportunity presented itself just as I was returning to the blogging world. That is FATE my friend, in its finest form. So when I was asked to pick an item to review I immediately gravitated to the Winona Hi-Lo Wrap Dress. Now to give you some background, I have been completely in love with anything green lately. All shades of green are just pulling me in with a crazy magnetism that I can’t explain. So when I saw that the wrap dress came in “Green with Envy”… it was KISMET that we be together… and when the dress arrived… I was not disappointed. See my review below:

PRO
Fabric: Super soft, I swear I spent the day walking around getting people to touch how soft this dress is…
Color: Best shade of GREEN EVER
Fit: Excellent fit. Fit like a dream!!!

CON
Length: Wish this dress was a smidgen longer all around (but it could be it appears short because of all the boobs it had to go over) lol
Misc: I guess that I should mention that its low cut. I wore it with a cami because it was a lot of cleavage (for work). But I love this dress and that would never deter me from buying it…

Needless to say this dress would make it into my wardrobe regardless. I can’t imagine not being able to wear this dress again and again. Hasta la proxima ~besitos~

Purple Cami – Walmart/Shoes – Bakers Shoes/Lips – Aboni Cosmetics

 

         

DOTD: Bohemian Chic

Hola Divas...
Today was a hard day... for so many reasons. I have this one guy at work that is truly trying to take me out my skin one action at a time. He says things and throws me under the bus in front of clients. Today I dropped the f-bomb while discussing his attitude without even realizing it. If you are the praying kind... pray for me.Because I only have so much forgiveness in my spirit to deal with his type of personality. Its funny because the people who work around him are the complete opposite of him.

Second reason today was hard... I had on the most uncomfortable shapewear in all my life. It was like walking around in a vice grip all day. What is comical to me... is every time I wear this particular shape brief, I swear I will throw then away... and then I don't... but I must remember this time... because the pain I experienced today was almost as bad as child birth. Maybe it was worse... I remember reading that someone died from an atomic wedgie... now I understand how. Anyway... I wanted to share the skirt I wore today from Boutique 115. Amazing skirt... everyone thought this was a full dress. Worth every penny!!!!

But before I leave you... Have you ever had someone at work change your personality? Make you behave out of character? How did you handle this situation? Hasta la proxima ~besitos~

What I Wore While Cussing:

Red/black chevron skirt: Boutique 115

Black tank top: Just My Size

Crop Denim Jacket: Torrid

 Shoes: Target

Necklace: Ily Couture

Earrings: idk