Sunday, May 11, 2008

The Rise and Fall of Yoli


All throughout history there has been cases of women who were the reason for their own downfall. I have to believe after today this is also the case in my life. I mean, I find myself trying to be all and everything to so many people but find that it really isn’t getting appreciated. I mean, for my husband’s birthday I went out of my way to plan a surprise party. I worked extra hard to ensure that he had no clue it was happening. On my birthday, what did I get? An argument (yay!!! Me!!!). On my friend Edwin’s birthday I again went out of my way to make him feel special because I know he was having a bad time of it and wanted him to know that I cared. What did I get on my birthday? Not even a card. This is something I don’t understand. It’s not as though I gift to be gifted but it’s like common courtesy to at least acknowledge the fact that I went out of my way for you by at least doing something simple. Today was Mother’s Day and it SUCKED!!! When I say it sucked, I mean it blowed. I don’t mean that in the I-am-Yoli-look-how-dramatic-I-am way, I mean it was the WORST MOTHER’S DAY EVER!!!
It actually began the night before. I had patiently waited for what seemed like an eternity for an opportunity to be freed from the warden (that would be my husband). I was excited… but not so much so that I went completely insane in the outfit department. I had on a sensible pink blouse and pink sandals (that my feet would later regret). But prior to leaving I decided to stop by the neighbor’s house (the Hispanic men my husband socializes with) to say my goodbyes. That is where I was accosted by a round of men telling me that if I wanted to go dancing, why was I married. I asked what one thing had anything to do with the other. They said it wasn’t proper for a wife to enjoy herself outside of the house after being married (are you F’n kidding me?). Then they continue to site how I am not a good mother because I don’t spend enough fun time with my kids. I thought… wow this is where my husband will jump in to defend me… guess what? HE DIDN’T!!! His reply to that was “I’m a good father”. I just about fell out of my chair from disbelieve (it’s one of those moments where you feel like you’re having an out of body experience). I couldn’t believe the nonsense and the nerve of these men. So I just shrugged it off and left. I didn’t enjoy myself at all (big surprise there) and came home to sleep soundly next to the man I wanted to call “traitor”. This morning I was reasonably tired as I had gotten in rather late so I thought, its Mother’s Day, I will be allowed to sleep in, NOPE (not a chance in hell of that happening. I instead was horribly awakened by a freezing cold back massager that my daughters had lovingly placed in the freezer. I then tried to do some exercises prior to dressing and leaving for church. But I needed to go and pick up my mom’s mother day gift that was being held for me. Guess what… in a matter of weeks, the store was closed. Like not even the name was displayed in the location where it sat two weeks before. So I had to tweak my thought process of what I was going to do. As I felt rushed out of the house I was starving. I stopped for a smoothie to try and fill myself up. While walking around the mall I accidentally bumped the smoothie into a wall and had my feet covered in smoothie (that was fun). We covered the mall twice to find nothing and were on our way out of the mall when… Finally I found another store with an alternate gift for my mother and my son’s godmother (as I always forget her, but thankfully my son did not). I finally had cards, gift and everything and was leaving the store. My feet was killing me and somewhere amidst all that commotion my husband had walked himself and the girls to the car. He was “resting” in the car. Is it wrong of me that I was pissed? I mean, it wasn’t father’s day. It was mother’s day and he was doing NOTHING!!! The fun continued when my mother called and asked me where I was. I told her and she commenced to make me feel guilty cause I wasn’t living up to HER Mother’s Day. I mean… this life of mine couldn’t get anymore horrible. I think that it’s so wonderful that Mother’s Day is NEVER about me. The mother with 3 YOUNG kids and the husband who is occasionally like a fourth kid and a job that is ultra demanding and the mother who doesn’t appreciate anything I do. I think to myself, I really, really, really, needed this day to go well. I really needed a day where I was not the only person that EVERYONE was counting on. I needed a day where someone would acknowledge the fact that I work hard all week and workout and try to take care of a family and today was a day that I “should have” been appreciated on. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t slightly, mildly, or remotely appreciated today. If I were the person I was 10 years ago, I think today I would have tried to take my own life. Don’t be so shocked. I mean, we all know I battle with depression. But today was one of those days where I felt like no one in my life understands me. I did find solace in prayer and a talk with the Lord. I think He and I will be talking more often as I realized today that the only person Yoli can count on… is God and herself. If you are a friend of mine and you read this and are worried. Don’t be. I will be fine. I may be a little less talkative or you will find I have nothing to say in regards to your happiness because today I learned a valuable lesson about myself. Today was the beginning of the downfall of me.
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