Saturday, March 03, 2018
Monday, November 13, 2017
Saturday, February 21, 2015
As a child I was that adorably cute chubby kid. But it wasn't until elementary that I realized, I was fat (insert sarcastic gasp here). Well, as it goes, kids are cruel. And they did not hesitate to remind me just how "not normal" I was on a daily basis. So you add being dark skinned to that and I was picked on relentlessly. I was told on a daily basis that I was "fat and ugly" to the point that I sought out council in the form of my mother. I went to her and asked in all seriousness "Am I fat and ugly?" To which my mother replied with equal seriousness... "No, you are beautiful and anyone who tells you different doesn't know what beauty is..." So, for this I applaud my mother. She did this right. She handled this situation like a superstar and then she took it one step further... Everyday (and I do mean EVERY DAY) my mother would tell me at different parts of the day how beautiful I was. Be it in the morning before school, or the middle of the day while we ran errands, or as she tucked me into bed each night. She did not miss a day to remind me that I was beautifully and wonderfully made. Yeah... my mom is pretty awesome like that. And that is where I got my overinflated self esteem. Does it mean that I NEVER doubt myself or this body? No it does not but let me not get ahead of myself. After that day... elementary school was no longer a problem. If someone called me fat or ugly, I laughed it off. Why, because they were not in on the awesomeness that was me.
From that point on I was great until I hit 5th grade. And then the unthinkable happened... I got BOOBS. I got boobs before anyone else did. I actually got them in 4th grade but they weren't really noticible until 5th grade. And then started a whole other issue to get pass... mean girls. Of course, back then I didn't know that is what they were... to me they were my friends... and then one day, they weren't. They stopped speaking to me and eating lunch with me because I was the focus of all the 5th grade boys. To this day, I remember being really good friends with this guy named Waleed Robinson. We were both deformed, me with my boobs, and him with his... well... penis (back when I was a kid spandex was the thing to wear, and Waleed filled his out far more than the other boys - no socks). So he was my only friend and for a while I was okay with that... until the mean girls decided to spread rumors that Waleed and I were having sex (which we were NOT) but it was so hard to deal with that I just shut down. It was around this time that I stopped dressing like a girl. I mean I completely became a boy. I wore the biggest and baggiest shirts and jeans I could find. I stopped being the girly girl that my mother raised. My mother was so concerned that she put me in therapy. That is when they discovered I was manic depressive. But no amount of meds, therapy, or positive reinforcement could get me out of my funk.
So fast forward to my senior year. Yes I was still dressing like a 30 year old man with no job but I was still cute. So imagine EVERYONES surprise when I showed up to prom in a red dress to show that I had a tiny waist and gigantic boobs. Yeah... that is the highlight of my high school career. Everyone thought because all the clothes were shapeless that my shape was the shape that my clothes were... but I wasn't that big, I just dressed like I was. I was still plus size wearing a solid size 12, however, I had a flat stomach and thick hips and thighs. I could have been a plus size model had I not gotten pregnant at 19 (even though I do not regret my son in the least). I felt like I went into adulthood really knowing my body... but I was wrong.
And just so you know how important that advice from my mother was... I said the same and passed down that same knowledge to my girls.
Sunday, May 04, 2014
I’ve had a trying week. I can’t discuss it here because people I don’t want knowing my business read my blog. But just know that it was tiring and depressing. But through it all I tried my best to remain positive. And then Friday hit… and I just lost it. I stayed in bed most of the day and cried a few times. Saturday, I just slept all day. I know it sounds lazy but I think the stress of the week got to me.
Now this morning I had plans to go to church. But when I got up this morning, I just didn’t think I would make it to church. I told myself, God knows my heart. But then I thought… yeah… the devil knows your lazy heart… now get up and prove him wrong. So I got up today and got ready for church. I was lazy but I made it. And the sermon was what I needed to hear because I was letting this week take over my spirit. The sermon was about holding onto anger and letting it affect your life. And about how we allow that anger to cause us to sin because we know that we worship a forgiving God. And that is the lesson I needed to learn today. Going forward, I will be a better person.
Now onto the fashion…
I was inspired by an outfit on instagram. Follow pinklipstickhundra for inspiration. She has another page called Stylebydnicole where she posts her Polyvore creations. I love her creativity and use of color. And you all know how I feel about color… So I would ask a question here but today all I want to know is What was the best part of your week? Hasta la proxima ~besitos~
What I Wore to Church Today:
Mickey Mouse Tee: Wal-mart
Bodycon Skirt: Forever21 Plus
Denim Vest: Debs Plus
Shoes: Target Fashion
Thursday, April 17, 2014
I know I've failed miserably at being a blogger but as I've indicated on multiple occasions... life happens. So since the last time I was here, I've changed jobs yet again. The small company I worked for was bought out by a larger company and the changes were earth shattering. The people I had created relationships with and had in turn inducted into my "work" family were layed off and after the dust cleared I tried to remain positive. There were people who were negative even though they still had a job... and there were people who still wanted to consider it us against them. But if you know me... you know I just like to go with the flow. I don't like drama if I can completely avoid it. So I embraced the new co-workers which in turn made me some enemies... but again... I didn't let it phase me.
Monday, February 03, 2014
So this weekend was a clustermuck (I really want to use a worst word there but this is a church outfit)!!!! The reasons why are so personal that I don’t even want to discuss here. But just know that I have been an emotional wreck. So much so that I have made a serious setback in my weightloss (stress eating is real!!!). So on Sunday morning I woke up with a determination that I haven’t had in a while and went to the gym and followed that by going to church. And let me tell you… it was just what the doctor ordered. Even though I was miserable most of my weekend, I was so refreshed after church that smiling while taking these pictures was a lot easier to do. I don’t have much else going on other than work and generally dealing with life trying to kick me in the arse every 15 minutes. But I am a lioness… hear me roar!!!
Do you stress eat? How high does your stress have to be before you start to stress eat? Are you able to steer back onto course after the stressful sitution has been fixed? Do you find (as I did) that you are stronger afterwards than you ever thought you could be? Well… back to the fashion. I really love this skirt which is another lovely gem from my friend at Boutique 115. I’ve been supporting her for years (even back when she was known as She’s Got Curves). And this skirt did not disappoint. I will be doing (this week) a write up on her store where you will all get a coupon code for her lovely boutique… so stay tuned!!! Hasta la proxima ~besitos~
Praise Outfit Breakdown:
Black Cami: Just My Size
Skirt: Boutique 115
Shoes: Bakers Shoes
Earrings: Beauty Supply
This was supposed to be my superhero pose… I think I just look constipated…
Here are some outakes that hubby had fun taking:
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Today I wore yet another great item from Kiyonna. This time it wasn’t so easy to find an item that I just had to have. Again I am on this “green” thing that I can’t explain. So I reached out to some co-workers and friends to decide which item I should choose. And we finally all agreed that if I didn’t pick the top pictured below, I was making a terrible mistake. Now that I’ve received it and worn it… I couldn’t agree more. This shirt made me feel super sexy and powerful all day.
Now the one thing no one ever mentions about being a blogger is what is involved in order to get THE pictures. You are willing to withstand heat, rain, and freezing temperatures in order to showcase the outfit. So today in our 20 degree weather, I stood outside like a nut while hubby took my pictures. It is amazing I don’t have pneumonia. But… as my photographer… I am super pleased with how these pictures came out, hubby did a fantastic job. Not to mention, I am also planning how I will wear this top on its next go round out of my closet.
So now before I go onto the fashion I want to talk about some personal stuff. Our company (who will continue to remain nameless) was recently purchased by another much larger company (who will also remain nameless). In the process of us “combining” some people were let go. Some people who I was friends with and actually enjoyed to be around. So far, my job has been spared… but the empath in me has me feeling guilty. I am tryng to shake that feeling, but it is hard. So much harder then I could have ever thought. Anyway, I guess I am asking anyone who is reading this to answer me this… Have you ever worked for a company during layoffs? Were you spared? If so, how did you handle it? Did you feel guilty or were you just happy that you still kept your job? Did you try to help your former coworkers find future work? Anyway… back to fashion… I just needed to get that off my chest so that I wouldn’t explode. I literally broke out in hives over the whole situation. Well… hasta la proxima ~besitos~
Thursday, January 16, 2014
If you have been a long time reader of this blog, than you are aware that I was part of the Kiyonna Blogger Brigade. They recently revamped it and I was given another opportunity to be part of the Blogger Brigade. I have to admit, nothing has brought this much excitement to me in months. The best part is that this opportunity presented itself just as I was returning to the blogging world. That is FATE my friend, in its finest form. So when I was asked to pick an item to review I immediately gravitated to the Winona Hi-Lo Wrap Dress. Now to give you some background, I have been completely in love with anything green lately. All shades of green are just pulling me in with a crazy magnetism that I can’t explain. So when I saw that the wrap dress came in “Green with Envy”… it was KISMET that we be together… and when the dress arrived… I was not disappointed. See my review below:
Fabric: Super soft, I swear I spent the day walking around getting people to touch how soft this dress is…
Color: Best shade of GREEN EVER
Fit: Excellent fit. Fit like a dream!!!
Length: Wish this dress was a smidgen longer all around (but it could be it appears short because of all the boobs it had to go over) lol
Misc: I guess that I should mention that its low cut. I wore it with a cami because it was a lot of cleavage (for work). But I love this dress and that would never deter me from buying it…
Purple Cami – Walmart/Shoes – Bakers Shoes/Lips – Aboni Cosmetics
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Today was a hard day... for so many reasons. I have this one guy at work that is truly trying to take me out my skin one action at a time. He says things and throws me under the bus in front of clients. Today I dropped the f-bomb while discussing his attitude without even realizing it. If you are the praying kind... pray for me.Because I only have so much forgiveness in my spirit to deal with his type of personality. Its funny because the people who work around him are the complete opposite of him.