Wednesday, March 30, 2011

DOTD: Embracing My Vanity

So I was sitting back and thinking about vanity last night. It was when someone said that I am conceited but said it in the way of a joke. So last night, I sat back and thought about my “vanity” if you will. I remembered growing up on & off near my cousins and remember that I was the darkest skinned of all the cousins I grew up around. Not one of the darkest… but the darkest. I grew up hearing jokes about how I had been left in the oven too long… and how I was dark as midnight. Nicknames like “Blurple” and “Shadow” are things that I can’t lose. Then of course the lights out jokes that when the lights were out they couldn’t see me if my eyes were closed. Now add to this that I was also the largest of all my cousins as well. That one of my female cousins would borrow my t-shirts and wear them as dresses or nightgowns. I mean… that couldn’t possibly have a negative affect on my self-esteem. So I would ask my mom why I was so ugly, black, and fat. So I think it scared my mother. So she would constantly tell me how beautiful I was. She would tell me even when I looked my worse. Even when I didn’t seem to believe her… she constantly would reinforce this positive image of myself. So eventually it was all I knew. I would look in the mirror and see the beauty that my mother constantly told me I had. I would look in the mirror and not see my flaws but see the aspects of me that make me beautiful. My eyes that seem to say “come hither”, my lips that are supple and soft, and my one lone dimple that comes out when I smile so hard my face looks likely to crack.

Later in life, I was the first girl in the 4th grade to get boobs. Not like cup A boobs… I think I started in a C cup. It was like one day… my mom realized I couldn’t run bra-less for fear putting an eye out. I remember that in the 4th & 5th grade I went from being very popular and having friends to becoming an loner because of the mass attention I received from boys. When all the friends you have are flat chested and you are already rocking cleavage, you could understand how early the jealousy & haters started. So I believe that is around the age that I started dressing like a boy. I found their clothes could camouflage my curves, and could make me blend better. I found that the more I didn’t show my curves, the more friends I had. I wasn’t a threat. I wasn’t someone the girls had to worry would “steal” their boyfriends. So that is how I survived my youth. By not being honest with myself and just doing what it took to fit in.

So now I’m in my 30s. I am about to celebrate another birthday TOMORROW and I realize that I’m the strongest I’ve ever been. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. And all the drama and hate that I tried to avoid in my youth, I get now. Not everyone but I am finding that the blogosphere is kind only to those they don’t see as a threat. I guess that is why I don’t assume I will ever be famous. I don’t assume I will ever be a big time “BLOGGER”… mainly because if I can help, or raise up another blogger along with continuing to do my own blog, that is what I will do. I love the entire blog community. No one is more special than another. I think we will always put our own spin and ideas into our outfits. Especially since most of us shop in the same places. This is where our own brand of creativity shines through. Which is why I include all blogs in my side panel. You will only see the most current 25 but you can see them all if you click. If you are a blogger and aren’t in my panel, let me know… I will add you. I think that being a hater only blocks your blessings. And I kinda like being blessed.

So this little rant was just to put out there… that yes… you may look at my blog and my photos and see vanity… but I think that after 30 years of fading in the background, I deserve a little vanity… don’t you think?

So embrace your inner vanity… and embrace other bloggers… now… What do you think of my outfit? lol

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What I’m wearing today:
Blazer: Curve Appeal Consignment
Lace Shoulder Trim Top: New Look (Inspire Line)
Skirt: Wet Seal (Junior Plus Line)
Teal Tights: We Love Colors
Lace Leggings: Torrid 
Booties: Ross or Marshall’s
Earrings: Beauty Supply
Ring: Burlington Coat Factory
Sunglasses: Baby Phat (Wal-mart)

Note: I got this tight layering idea from fellow blogger/friend Bethamint of Pretty in Plus

13 comments:

Unknown said...

I love this outfit!! I see you got the blazer on consignment, is it by any chance Dress Barn? I have what looks to be that very same blazer!! :o)

Girl, I get called vain all the time and what do I say? "Get like me!"

Marcy L. said...

I LOVE YOUR FASHION SENSE if you are a thrifty Diva like me check out my online store called Diva Style Threadz www.divastylethreadz.biz and if you find anything please enjoy $10 toward your purchase.

Kenyetta said...

I love your take on vanity and i love your confidence! I too was made fun of because of the color of my skin and then it was my height and i was pissed when i started growing boobs at 8! I was reading this post like wow someone else went through the samething as me. Now im at a place where i'm accepting myself flaws and all never been happier with myself! But That's what i love about the blogging world a chance to share not only our fashion but experiences we share and also celebrating our differences. ok ill stop rambling lol

Prettie Missie Mia said...

Happy Birthday pretty lady...well in about 2 hours anyway! Thank you for sharing your heart and your fashion sense...and for not being a hater LOL! Continue doing what you do...and take new bloggers under your wing...WE NEED YOU!! And you are famous to us (:

Sun said...

Thank you!! I grew up feeling ugly and fat ... never feeling good enough..it took me yrs to feel attractive and even now folks will try to tear u down... but I shake it off.. instead of hold my head down !

Ola Dipo said...

happy bday!!!! and girl, tel 'em! you speak the truth. haters can only hate while you keep looking gorgeous adn doing you. longest time, where have you been?

Mode Plus said...

Brilliant post (rant???) and what a great idea with the tights. I wish you a happy B-day for tomorrow. You've come a long way that you can share this personal story about your journey to self-love. So important that your mother showered you with the truth about yourself: that you are unique and beautiful. Thx for sharing this <3

Unknown said...

@L. Michelle: The label says Sonoma. I have no clue who sells that brand.

@Divastyle: Thanks

@Kenyetta & Honeiso: I'm glad my story spoke to you. That's why I wanted it out there...

@F&F/Dottie/ModePlus: Thank you so much for your support... It means so much!!

Joy said...

Wishing you a happy birthday! I love the blue blazer - gorgeous!

One of the greatest gifts we can give to our daughters is instilling them with self-esteem, self-worth, self-love -- if you were my daughter I would be so proud of you. Proud that you not only look beautiful & dress with style, but also write beautifully. You shared such a heartfelt post that no doubt will help others - especially young girls/women who might be reading.

Voluptuous Vixen said...

U look great girl! I love the colour combinations. I'm a blogger and I'm not on ure panel please add me. I'm at Voluptuouschronicles.blogspot.com/

Thanks

Joy said...

Wishing you a happy birthday! I love the blue blazer - gorgeous!

One of the greatest gifts we can give to our daughters is instilling them with self-esteem, self-worth, self-love -- if you were my daughter I would be so proud of you. Proud that you not only look beautiful & dress with style, but also write beautifully. You shared such a heartfelt post that no doubt will help others - especially young girls/women who might be reading.

Fatshion And Fattitude said...

happy bday!!!! and girl, tel 'em! you speak the truth. haters can only hate while you keep looking gorgeous adn doing you. longest time, where have you been?

DIVA Style Threadz said...

I LOVE YOUR FASHION SENSE if you are a thrifty Diva like me check out my online store called Diva Style Threadz www.divastylethreadz.biz and if you find anything please enjoy $10 toward your purchase.

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