Wednesday, March 30, 2011

DOTD: Embracing My Vanity

So I was sitting back and thinking about vanity last night. It was when someone said that I am conceited but said it in the way of a joke. So last night, I sat back and thought about my “vanity” if you will. I remembered growing up on & off near my cousins and remember that I was the darkest skinned of all the cousins I grew up around. Not one of the darkest… but the darkest. I grew up hearing jokes about how I had been left in the oven too long… and how I was dark as midnight. Nicknames like “Blurple” and “Shadow” are things that I can’t lose. Then of course the lights out jokes that when the lights were out they couldn’t see me if my eyes were closed. Now add to this that I was also the largest of all my cousins as well. That one of my female cousins would borrow my t-shirts and wear them as dresses or nightgowns. I mean… that couldn’t possibly have a negative affect on my self-esteem. So I would ask my mom why I was so ugly, black, and fat. So I think it scared my mother. So she would constantly tell me how beautiful I was. She would tell me even when I looked my worse. Even when I didn’t seem to believe her… she constantly would reinforce this positive image of myself. So eventually it was all I knew. I would look in the mirror and see the beauty that my mother constantly told me I had. I would look in the mirror and not see my flaws but see the aspects of me that make me beautiful. My eyes that seem to say “come hither”, my lips that are supple and soft, and my one lone dimple that comes out when I smile so hard my face looks likely to crack.

Later in life, I was the first girl in the 4th grade to get boobs. Not like cup A boobs… I think I started in a C cup. It was like one day… my mom realized I couldn’t run bra-less for fear putting an eye out. I remember that in the 4th & 5th grade I went from being very popular and having friends to becoming an loner because of the mass attention I received from boys. When all the friends you have are flat chested and you are already rocking cleavage, you could understand how early the jealousy & haters started. So I believe that is around the age that I started dressing like a boy. I found their clothes could camouflage my curves, and could make me blend better. I found that the more I didn’t show my curves, the more friends I had. I wasn’t a threat. I wasn’t someone the girls had to worry would “steal” their boyfriends. So that is how I survived my youth. By not being honest with myself and just doing what it took to fit in.

So now I’m in my 30s. I am about to celebrate another birthday TOMORROW and I realize that I’m the strongest I’ve ever been. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. And all the drama and hate that I tried to avoid in my youth, I get now. Not everyone but I am finding that the blogosphere is kind only to those they don’t see as a threat. I guess that is why I don’t assume I will ever be famous. I don’t assume I will ever be a big time “BLOGGER”… mainly because if I can help, or raise up another blogger along with continuing to do my own blog, that is what I will do. I love the entire blog community. No one is more special than another. I think we will always put our own spin and ideas into our outfits. Especially since most of us shop in the same places. This is where our own brand of creativity shines through. Which is why I include all blogs in my side panel. You will only see the most current 25 but you can see them all if you click. If you are a blogger and aren’t in my panel, let me know… I will add you. I think that being a hater only blocks your blessings. And I kinda like being blessed.

So this little rant was just to put out there… that yes… you may look at my blog and my photos and see vanity… but I think that after 30 years of fading in the background, I deserve a little vanity… don’t you think?

So embrace your inner vanity… and embrace other bloggers… now… What do you think of my outfit? lol

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What I’m wearing today:
Blazer: Curve Appeal Consignment
Lace Shoulder Trim Top: New Look (Inspire Line)
Skirt: Wet Seal (Junior Plus Line)
Teal Tights: We Love Colors
Lace Leggings: Torrid 
Booties: Ross or Marshall’s
Earrings: Beauty Supply
Ring: Burlington Coat Factory
Sunglasses: Baby Phat (Wal-mart)

Note: I got this tight layering idea from fellow blogger/friend Bethamint of Pretty in Plus

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